The Kings Arms

Just what London needs - another pub with a cutesy name claiming to be different from the eight thousand other establishments calling themselves The Kings Arms. I approached this particular incarnation near London Bridge with the kind of enthusiasm usually reserved for dental appointments, fully expecting the usual suspects: sticky floors, mediocre ales, and a playlist stuck in 1997.

Well, damn them for proving me wrong.

The Kings Arms London has somehow managed to do the impossible - create a pub that doesn't make me want to immediately leave London and move to a remote Scottish island. The moment you walk in, you're struck by an atmosphere that's both familiar and refreshingly distinct, like running into an old friend who's secretly gotten their life together while you weren't looking.

Let's talk about what they've done right, against my better judgment. First, there's the space itself - whoever designed this place clearly understood that "cozy pub" doesn't have to mean "cramped Victorian cosplay." The interior manages to balance traditional elements with contemporary touches, creating an environment that feels authentic rather than artificial. The seating arrangements actually make sense, a concept apparently foreign to most London pubs where furniture placement seems determined by throwing chairs from the street and keeping them where they land.

Their drinks selection would make even the most jaded beer snob grudgingly nod in approval. The rotating craft beer selection shows genuine thought rather than just ticking trendy boxes, and their wine list isn't the usual suspects of whatever was on sale at the cash and carry. But what really got me - and I can't believe I'm admitting this - is their cocktail program. It's actually... good. Like, properly good. Not "good for a pub" good, but "why am I enjoying this so much?" good.

Then there's their weekly Watercolour Wednesday event, which initially made me roll my eyes so hard I could see my own brain. Free painting materials in a pub? Surely a recipe for disaster. Yet somehow, it works. There's something oddly therapeutic about sipping a well-crafted drink while making absolutely terrible art alongside equally untalented strangers. The fact that they auction these questionable masterpieces for charity adds a layer of redemption to the whole affair.

The food menu, while not revolutionary, delivers what it promises - proper pub fare that doesn't taste like it came from a sysco truck via microwave. Their sausage and mash actually tastes like both sausage and mash, which is more than I can say for many London establishments. The Sunday roast (book ahead, seriously) manages to be both generous and properly executed, a rare combination in these days of Instagram-over-substance dining.

What's particularly infuriating is how they've managed to create a space that works for multiple purposes. Want to have a quiet pint and read? There's a corner for that. Need to bring your laptop and pretend to work? They've got you covered. Looking for a livelier atmosphere? Just shift to another section. It's like they actually thought about how people use pubs in real life, the absolute madmen.

The service, unfortunately for my cynical narrative, is genuinely good. The staff somehow maintain that perfect balance between attentive and overbearing, and they actually seem to know their products. The QR code ordering system - usually a pet peeve of mine - is implemented well enough that it doesn't make me want to throw my phone into the Thames.

Let's address the pricing because I know you're wondering. Yes, it's London prices, but for once you don't feel like you're being actively robbed. The value proposition is actually reasonable, especially if you snag one of those City Stack cards they accept. In this economy, that's practically philanthropic.

Located a stone's throw from London Bridge and the Thames, The Kings Arms London has accomplished something I didn't think possible - they've made me want to return voluntarily. Whether you're after a decent pint, surprisingly good cocktails, or just want to unleash your inner mediocre artist on Watercolour Wednesday, you'll find something to enjoy here. Just don't tell them I sent you. I have a reputation to maintain.

Book ahead, especially for Sunday roasts or event nights. And if you're thinking of going to one of those other Kings Arms instead - don't. This one's worth the extra effort. There, I said it. Now excuse me while I go question all my life choices that led to me writing something this positive about a London pub.