The Yacht

Just what London needs - another riverside pub with pretensions of grandeur. The Yacht in Greenwich floats into the already crowded Thames-side drinking scene with all the subtlety of a party barge full of hen-do revelers. And yet, against my better judgment and professional cynicism, I find myself reluctantly charmed by this maritime-themed watering hole.

Let's address the elephant in the room - or should I say, the anchor in the Thames. The views are, admittedly, spectacular. The Yacht's positioning in Greenwich offers the kind of London panorama that makes even hardened locals pause mid-pint. But pretty views don't make a pub, and I arrived determined to find fault with yet another tourist trap trading on its location.

The first crack in my armor of disdain appeared when I noticed the beer selection. The bar staff actually know how to pour a proper pint - a sadly rare skill in London these days. The Green King IPA, when fresh (and do insist on fresh), arrives with the kind of head that would make a Belgian monk weep with joy. Though if you get a vinegary pint, be prepared for some interesting management gymnastics in addressing the issue.

The food menu reads like a greatest hits of pub classics, which usually sets my critical alarm bells ringing. However, the kitchen manages to elevate these standards from mere sustenance to something approaching actual cuisine. The fish and chips - that eternal litmus test of British pub fare - emerges golden and crispy, not the greasy newspaper-wrapper filler you might expect. The bacon cheeseburger, while not reinventing the wheel, rolls out with enough flair to justify its moderate price point.

Inside, The Yacht manages to thread the needle between nautical theme and nauseating kitsch. The interior designers clearly received the maritime memo but mercifully stopped short of hanging fishing nets from every surface. The result is a space that acknowledges its riverside setting without bashing you over the head with a ship's wheel.

The service, much like the Thames itself, runs hot and cold. Some staff members, like the oft-praised Freya and Cailin, navigate the floor with the kind of professional warmth that makes you forget you're in London altogether. Others seem to have learned their customer service skills from studying Victorian workhouse overseers.

What truly sets The Yacht apart from Greenwich's flotilla of pubs is its ability to be multiple things without failing spectacularly at any of them. It's a tourist spot that locals don't hate. A sports pub with enough charm to work for date night. A place where you can bring your dog without the entire establishment turning into an impromptu kennel club.

The pricing sits in that sweet spot where you might wince slightly at the bill but won't require a meeting with your financial advisor afterward. The cocktail menu, while not revolutionary, offers enough variety to keep things interesting, though you might need to remind them about those promised garnishes. And yes, you're paying a bit extra for those river views, but in a city where we routinely pay premium prices to stare at brick walls, at least here you're getting your money's worth in scenery.

For groups, The Yacht proves surprisingly accommodating, with enough space to handle your office's awkward team building exercise or your friend's "I'm finally leaving London" farewell drinks (until they inevitably return six months later). Just be sure to book ahead - the best spots get snapped up faster than riverside property developers spotting an abandoned warehouse.

Look, I didn't want to like The Yacht. London has enough pubs claiming to offer a "unique riverside experience" to fill a small armada. But somehow, this Greenwich establishment has managed to drop anchor in that sweet spot between tourist trap and legitimate local. Yes, you'll occasionally encounter service that makes you question your life choices, but when The Yacht gets it right - which is more often than not - it really does deliver something special.

So go on, add The Yacht to your London pub crawl map. Just promise me you won't tell too many people about it. Some of us cynical critics need somewhere to drink in peace while pretending we're not thoroughly enjoying ourselves.