The Earl Haig

Just what London needs - another pub named after some long-dead military figure. The Earl Haig in London's Bexleyheath had me rolling my eyes before I even crossed the threshold. Let's be honest, most establishments trading on martial glory these days serve up nothing more militant than a microwaved cottage pie and warm beer. But sometimes, just sometimes, life throws you a curveball that makes you question your carefully cultivated cynicism.

I'll admit it - I walked in ready to pen a scathing review. The exterior, with its traditional pub facade and hanging baskets, seemed to promise all the originality of a photocopied menu. Yet somewhere between my first reluctant pint and the last satisfied bite, The Earl Haig managed to work its peculiar magic.

Let's talk about that beer garden, shall we? While most London pubs consider three wooden tables and a struggling geranium a "garden experience," The Earl Haig has somehow conjured up what can only be described as a horticultural fever dream. There are actual chalets - yes, chalets - as if some confused Alpine lodge got lost and stumbled into southeast London. And then there's this bizarrely charming butterfly garden that shouldn't work but absolutely does. It's the kind of whimsical touch that makes you wonder if you've had one too many, but no - it's really there, and it's actually... lovely.

The interior walks that fine line between traditional pub comfort and modern necessity without falling into the trap of generic chain pub sterility. You know the type - those places where every cushion and lampshade seems ordered from the "Generic Pub Decor Catalog, Volume 3." Instead, The Earl Haig maintains its individual character while still offering all the expected modern conveniences - contactless payment, decent WiFi, and mercifully clean restrooms.

Now, about the food. I approached the menu with the same enthusiasm I reserve for dental appointments, but here's where things get interesting. While it's not exactly pushing culinary boundaries (it's a pub in Bexleyheath, not the Fat Duck), the kitchen demonstrates a surprising commitment to getting the basics right. The prices sit in that sweet spot where you won't need to remortgage your house, but you're not left wondering if the chicken was actually pigeon.

The staff, led by what appears to be an army of competent Hannahs and Davids, manage to maintain that increasingly rare balance between attentiveness and leaving you the hell alone to enjoy your pint. They're knowledgeable about the menu, quick with recommendations, and - most importantly - seem to actually enjoy their jobs, which in London's hospitality scene is about as rare as an affordable flat in Zone 1.

Speaking of drinks, the bar stock goes beyond the usual suspects. Yes, you'll find your standard lagers and bitters, but there's also a rotating selection of craft beers that suggests someone behind the bar actually cares about what people are drinking. The wine list won't have sommeliers weeping with joy, but it's perfectly serviceable, and the cocktails are mixed with more skill than you'd expect from a neighborhood pub.

One slightly odd quirk - they're rather strict about their under-18s policy in the evening. While this might disappoint some, it does mean you won't have to shout over teenage drama to have a conversation after 9 PM. Small mercies, etc.

Here's what you really need to know: The Earl Haig takes bookings (a concept apparently alien to many London pubs), has actual parking (I know, contain your shock), and welcomes dogs (because what's a proper pub without a few four-legged patrons?). The outdoor seating area is heated during winter, and they've managed to create distinct spaces that work equally well for family Sunday lunches or Friday night drinks with friends.

Look, I didn't want to like The Earl Haig. I really didn't. But much like that friend who keeps dating someone you initially dismissed as completely wrong for them, it's grown on me. It's not trying to reinvent the wheel or become the next hot London gastropub - it's just doing what it does with enough care and attention to detail to make it worth your time. If you find yourself in Bexleyheath (it happens to the best of us), you could do far worse than spending a few hours here. And yes, I can't quite believe I'm saying this either.