The Clarence

Just what London needs - another gastropub masquerading as the savior of British cuisine. The Clarence sits there in all its Victorian glory, practically begging you to notice its carefully curated blend of traditional architecture and modern sensibilities. I walked in fully prepared to hate it, armed with a notepad full of cynical observations about yet another mediocre pub jumping on the "elevated dining" bandwagon.

And then, damn it all, they had to go and be actually good.

Let's be clear - I've suffered through enough lukewarm fish and chips and uninspired pub grub to last several lifetimes. So when my perfectly crispy, flaky piece of cod arrived, I was annoyed. Genuinely annoyed. Because now I'd have to admit The Clarence knows what they're doing, and that's not what I came here for.

The cocktail program is another irritating success. Their Old Fashioned - which I ordered fully expecting to pen a scathing paragraph about London pubs butchering classic cocktails - arrived with the perfect balance of bourbon, bitters, and subtle sweetness. I almost sent it back out of spite.

The interior strikes that infuriatingly perfect balance between traditional pub cosiness and contemporary sophistication. Dark woods and vintage fixtures somehow avoid feeling stuffy, while modern touches stop short of trying too hard. It's as if they actually thought about the design instead of just copying and pasting from the "Generic London Gastropub" handbook.

What's particularly vexing is the staff's genuine warmth. In an era where authentic hospitality often feels as rare as a reasonable London rent, The Clarence's team manages to be attentive without hovering, knowledgeable without pretension. They even handled a large tour group with the kind of efficiency that makes you wonder if they've secretly cloned their wait staff.

The menu prices sit squarely in the "you're paying a bit more, but not enough to properly complain about" category. Yes, you could find cheaper fish and chips elsewhere, but then you'd be eating cheaper fish and chips, wouldn't you? The quality of ingredients and execution actually justifies the cost, which is frankly annoying when you're trying to maintain a properly cynical outlook.

They've even managed to nail the basics that so many establishments somehow botch. The restrooms are actually clean and well-maintained (located upstairs, but with mercifully manageable stairs). They welcome dogs, because apparently, they're determined to be charming on every possible level. And yes, they take reservations, because they're not monsters.

The dessert menu deserves a special mention, if only because their brownie with vanilla ice cream made me temporarily forget my professional obligation to find fault. It's the kind of dessert that makes you wonder if they have a retired grandmother locked in the kitchen, refusing to share her secret recipe.

What's particularly irksome is how well The Clarence fits into its London location. It manages to be both a legitimate local's pub and a spot worthy of taking out-of-towners. The fact that they can pull off this diplomatic double act while maintaining quality across the board is, quite frankly, showing off.

Fine. I give up. The Clarence has earned its reputation and its 4.4-star rating. If you're in London and seeking a pub that delivers on both food and atmosphere, you'll want to book a table here. Just don't tell them I sent you - I have a reputation for cynicism to maintain. And whatever you do, don't order that Old Fashioned unless you're prepared to ruin all other Old Fashioneds for yourself. Don't say I didn't warn you.