Jolly Woodman

Just what London needs - another pub claiming to be a "hidden gem" in the backstreets. The Jolly Woodman in London's Beckenham area initially struck me as yet another establishment trying desperately to capitalize on that ever-marketable "authentic local pub" vibe. And yes, I rolled my eyes when I heard the locals raving about it. Because of course they were.

But damn it all if this place hasn't wormed its way into my cynical heart like a persistent earworm you eventually catch yourself humming. It's not trying to be the next craft beer revolution or gastropub sensation, and that's precisely what makes it work. The Jolly Woodman has been doing its thing long before doing things became a thing.

Walking in, you're greeted by what could be a film set designer's idea of a "proper London pub" - except it's actually genuine. The worn wooden floors have earned their character through decades of faithful service, not some artificial distressing technique. The bar staff recognize regulars by name and drink choice, while newcomers receive the same understated welcome that makes you feel like you've been coming here for years.

Let's talk about the beer selection, shall we? While your craft beer aficionados might not find their triple-hopped, barrel-aged, unicorn-tears IPA, what you will find is a perfectly kept selection of real ales that rotate frequently enough to keep things interesting but not so often that the staff can't pour you a proper pint. The pricing won't make your wallet weep, which in modern London is practically a miracle worthy of investigation.

The absence of background music - a choice that initially struck me as odd - has become one of my favorite features. Instead of shouting over whatever playlist an algorithm has decided matches the "pub vibe," you can actually hear yourself think, or better yet, engage in that increasingly rare activity known as conversation. Revolutionary concept, I know.

The beer garden (or "back yard" if you're feeling less fancy) is another unexpected pleasure. It's not trying to be some Instagram-worthy botanical wonderland - it's simply a pleasant outdoor space where you can enjoy your pint in peace. During London's brief flirtations with sunshine, it's worth its weight in gold.

They welcome dogs, which usually sets off my alarm bells about inevitable chaos, but somehow even the four-legged patrons seem to respect the civilized atmosphere. I've witnessed more dignified behavior from the dogs here than from humans in some of London's more pretentious establishments.

The food menu isn't trying to reinvent the wheel or earn a Michelin star, and thank heavens for that. It's honest pub fare that knows exactly what it is and delivers exactly what you want when you're a pint or two deep. The portions are generous without being grotesque, and the quality is consistently good without veering into territory that would make the prices uncomfortable.

Speaking of prices - in a city where a pint can cost as much as a small car payment, the Jolly Woodman maintains a pricing structure that feels like a pleasant throwback to more reasonable times. Not cheap enough to make you suspicious, but fair enough to keep you from checking your bank balance after every round.

The regulars might give me grief for writing this, but the Jolly Woodman deserves its 4.7-star rating, not that I'm one to put much stock in numbers. It's earned its reputation through decades of simply being what it claims to be - a proper London pub that serves proper drinks to proper people, with none of the nonsense that plagues so many venues trying to be "authentic."

If you're in Beckenham and looking for a pub that hasn't sold its soul to the gods of trendy modernization, the Jolly Woodman is worth your time. Just don't all rush there at once - some of us have grown rather fond of being able to find a seat without having to arrive at opening time. And if you see a grumpy critic in the corner nursing a perfectly poured pint and looking suspiciously content, do us both a favor and pretend you didn't read this review.