Zetland Arms

Just what London needs - another pub claiming to be a cut above the rest. The Zetland Arms in South Ken presents itself as one of those establishments where the locals swear it's "different" from the countless other watering holes dotting the cityscape. I approached with my usual skepticism, fully prepared to file it under "Generic London Pub #437."

Look, I'll admit it grudgingly - there's something about the Zetland Arms that makes you pause. Maybe it's the way the evening light filters through those absurdly well-maintained Victorian windows, or how the wooden bar has achieved that perfect patina that only decades of elbows and spilled pints can create. It's annoyingly... authentic.

The first crack in my cynical armor appeared when I noticed the staff actually knew their ales. Not in that pretentious craft beer way where they lecture you about hop varieties for 20 minutes, but with genuine enthusiasm and zero judgment when someone orders a basic lager. The London Pale Ale here is criminally good - clear, crisp, and served at a temperature that would make CAMRA members weep with joy.

Let's talk about the food because that's where most London pubs either shine or spectacularly implode. The Zetland Arms sits comfortably in the middle of the price range for the area, which initially made me suspicious. Usually, this means either microscopic portions or frozen-then-microwaved disasters. But no - they had to go and prove me wrong again.

The Sunday roast (yes, I subjected myself to the most clichéd of British traditions) was... look, I hate to say this, but it was exceptional. The Yorkshire pudding achieved that mythical balance between crispy edges and a center that actually holds gravy instead of transforming into a soggy mess. The beef was pink enough to make my mother nervous but cooked perfectly for anyone who actually enjoys food.

Their Scotch egg - and I can't believe I'm writing this with genuine enthusiasm - deserves its own paragraph. The outer layer shatters with satisfying crispness, revealing a perfectly cooked egg within. It's the kind of bar snack that makes you question every mediocre Scotch egg you've ever accepted as "good enough."

The space itself manages to avoid both the soulless modernization that plagues so many London pubs and the try-hard "authentic" Victorian aesthetic that makes you feel like you're in a theme park. The interior strikes that infuriating balance between cozy and spacious, with enough nooks and crannies to hide from your ex should they happen to wander in.

Here's what you need to know: They take reservations (a blessed relief in this part of London), accept all major cards (welcome to the 21st century), and yes, you can bring your dog. The latter explains the occasional four-legged patron who receives more attention than any human customer - but somehow, it works.

The clientele is a mix of locals who act like they own the place (and probably have been coming here since before you were born), South Kensington professionals pretending they're not checking their phones under the table, and tourists who stumbled upon it by accident and can't believe their luck. Somehow, this combination creates an atmosphere that's both exclusive and welcoming - a paradox that shouldn't work but does.

Located in the heart of South Kensington, the Zetland Arms has done the impossible - it's made me eat my words along with their surprisingly excellent food. Whether you're seeking a proper pint, a Sunday roast that won't disappoint, or just a London pub that hasn't sold its soul to a chain, you'll find it here. Book a table, bring your most cynical friend, and watch them struggle, as I did, to find something to complain about. Just don't tell them I sent you - I have a reputation to maintain.