Whelan’s After Dark

Just what Portarlington needed - another pub with delusions of grandeur. Whelan's After Dark sits there in the square, practically begging for attention like that friend who just discovered craft beer and won't shut up about it. I'll admit, I rolled my eyes when I heard about their "transformation." Because that's exactly what every small-town Irish pub needs, right? More transformations?

But damn them for actually pulling it off.

Let's get the obvious out of the way - Whelan's After Dark in Portarlington isn't reinventing the wheel here. You've got your standard pub setup: the obligatory dart board, the pool table that's seen better days, and karaoke nights that could either be brilliant or traumatic, depending on how many pints deep the local wannabe Ed Sheeran is. Yet somehow, they've managed to create something that doesn't make me want to immediately flee to Dublin.

The first crack in my cynical armor appeared when I noticed the Guinness. Now, every pub in Ireland claims to pour the perfect pint, but here's the thing - at Whelan's, they actually do. It's not just good; it's the kind of good that makes you temporarily forget about all the mediocre pints you've suffered through in your life. And at prices that won't force you to remortgage your house, which is refreshingly decent of them.

The space itself has this frustratingly comfortable vibe. They've somehow managed to walk that razor-thin line between "cosy traditional pub" and "actually clean establishment where you're not afraid to touch the surfaces." The renovation has given the place a fresh feel while maintaining enough character that it doesn't feel like some soulless chain pub knockoff. The lighting is dim enough to be atmospheric but bright enough that you can actually see who you're talking to - a concept that seems to elude many pub owners.

What really gets me is the staff. I wanted them to be terrible. I really did. It would have made this review so much easier to write. But no - they had to go and be competent, friendly, and actually knowledgeable about what they're serving. The barman even remembered my drink order on my second visit, which is either impressive or mildly concerning, depending on how you look at it.

Their events calendar is surprisingly robust for a venue of this size. Live music that doesn't make your ears bleed, sports screenings where you can actually see the screen, and themed nights that somehow manage to avoid being completely cringeworthy. They've even got this thing about supporting local charities, which makes it harder to maintain my professional cynicism.

The outdoor seating area is another reluctant plus. It's not trying to be some fancy Mediterranean terrace - it's just a decent space where you can enjoy your drink in the rare Irish sunshine without feeling like you're sitting in a car park. And when the weather turns (which it will, because Ireland), the indoor space is warm enough that you won't need to keep your coat on like some arctic explorer.

Here's the practical stuff: They take cards (welcome to the 21st century), there's actual parking nearby (a miracle in Portarlington), and the bathrooms are - brace yourself - clean and stocked. They've even put sanitary products in the ladies' - a small touch that speaks volumes about their attention to detail.

Let's be clear - Whelan's After Dark in Portarlington isn't going to revolutionize the Irish pub scene. It's not trying to be the next big thing in mixology or gastropub cuisine. What it is, however (and it pains me slightly to say this), is a genuinely good local pub that understands what its community needs and delivers it without pretense or fuss.

So fine, Whelan's, you win. You've managed to create something worth visiting in Portarlington. If you're in town and looking for a proper pint, good company, and an atmosphere that strikes the right balance between traditional and contemporary, you could do a lot worse than spending an evening here. And yes, that's as close to a glowing recommendation as you're going to get from me. Don't let it go to your heads.