The Old Orchard inn

Just what Dublin needs - another traditional pub with delusions of grandeur. The Old Orchard Inn in Dublin sits there, smugly traditional, practically daring you not to be charmed by its weathered facade and promises of proper pub fare. I arrived determined to find fault, armed with years of disappointment from similar establishments that mistake mediocrity for authenticity.

Let's address the elephant in the room - that conservatory. Yes, it can be chilly, and yes, sometimes it feels like you're dining in your gran's forgotten greenhouse. But here's the infuriating thing: when the sun hits it just right, flooding the space with golden light while you're nursing a perfectly poured pint, it's actually... rather lovely. Not that I'm happy about admitting that.

The beer garden deserves mention, though they recently removed their safari-themed setup, which I'm still quietly mourning. The current iteration is more minimalist, which is a diplomatic way of saying "slightly bare." Still, on a warm Dublin evening (yes, they do exist), it's a surprisingly pleasant spot to while away a few hours, especially if you can snag one of the corner tables away from the occasional cigarette-wielding philosopher who's convinced they're James Joyce reincarnated.

Now, about the food - I approached their menu with the same enthusiasm I reserve for dental appointments, only to be betrayed by my own taste buds. The steak sandwich (which, yes, comes medium as standard - heaven forbid you want it cooked differently) is annoyingly good. The onion rings that accompany various dishes deserve special mention: crispy, fresh-battered things that somehow avoid the soggy fate that befalls most pub attempts. It's like they actually care about the food they're serving, which is both unexpected and slightly inconvenient for my predetermined cynicism.

The service operates on what I'll generously call "Dublin time" - not exactly swift, but generally friendly enough to make up for it. You might need to channel your inner explorer and seek out staff occasionally, but consider it part of the adventure. At least they bring water with actual lemon slices, a touch of civilization I wasn't expecting.

Their pricing sits squarely in the "I'm not angry, just disappointed" category - not cheap enough to be a bargain, not expensive enough to be outrageous. It's the kind of place where you look at your bill and shrug, knowing you've paid more for worse elsewhere in Dublin, though you'd rather not admit it.

The parking situation is surprisingly un-traumatic, with actual spaces available - a miracle in Dublin that shouldn't go unnoticed. They've also embraced the 21st century with contactless payments, saving you from that awkward "sorry, card only" dance that plagues so many traditional pubs.

For sports enthusiasts (I use the term loosely), they show the matches without turning the place into a screaming arena. The sound is usually at a level where you can still maintain a conversation about how much better the game was "back in your day" without having to shout yourself hoarse.

Live music appears regularly, and while I arrived prepared to endure another painful rendition of "Whiskey in the Jar," I found myself reluctantly tapping my foot more than once. The acoustics are decent, and they seem to actually curate their musical acts rather than just accepting anyone with a guitar and a dream.

Look, I didn't want to like The Old Orchard Inn. I really didn't. But somewhere between the properly cooked chips, the surprisingly cozy atmosphere, and staff who seem to genuinely enjoy their jobs (how dare they), it won me over. For anyone in Dublin seeking a pub that manages to balance traditional charm with actual competence, you'll find it here. Just don't tell them I sent you - I have a reputation to maintain.

Make a booking if you're planning to visit during peak hours, especially weekends. And yes, you can bring your dog, though I suggest not letting them read this review - they might become as insufferably pleased with the place as I've reluctantly become.