The Crown Sutton

Just what Sutton needed - another pub claiming the crown of London's most mediocre watering hole. The Crown Sutton sits there, brazenly sporting its regal name like that one friend who insists on wearing designer knockoffs to Tesco. And yet, against my better judgment and professional cynicism, I found myself becoming oddly fond of the place.

Let's address the elephant in the room - The Crown Sutton is about as fancy as a pound shop tiara. But there's something refreshingly honest about that. In a London increasingly drowning in craft beer pretension and gastropub posturing, this unpretentious boozer in Sutton keeps it real with a straightforwardness that's almost shocking.

The first thing that caught my attention was the staff's complete lack of interest in maintaining the usual London hospitality facade. No forced smiles or rehearsed "having a lovely day?" here. Instead, you get authentic London pub service - direct, efficient, and occasionally warming up to something approaching friendly once they've seen your face a few times. It's like dating someone who's terrible at first impressions but gradually reveals their charm.

The interior looks exactly like what you'd expect from a local London pub that's survived various decades of questionable design choices. There's sports on multiple screens, which normally would have me rolling my eyes so hard I'd risk a sprain, but somehow The Crown Sutton makes it work. They've managed to create distinct viewing areas so you're not caught in the crossfire of rival matches, which is more thoughtful than I care to admit.

Their drink selection is surprisingly decent for a place where I half-expected to find nothing but mass-market lagers and questionable wine. The beer's kept well (when the ales are actually on tap - they're occasionally "taking a break," as one bartender put it), and the prices won't make your wallet weep, which in today's London is practically a miracle. They even serve cocktails, though I'd stick to the basics unless you enjoy living dangerously.

Wednesday karaoke nights are a thing here, and while I generally consider karaoke only slightly more enjoyable than dental surgery, there's something endearing about the regular crowd's enthusiasm. It's like watching a family gathering where everyone's slightly drunk uncle decides to perform "Sweet Caroline" - terrible but somehow heartwarming.

The outdoor seating area isn't going to win any design awards, but it serves its purpose when London decides to grace us with more than ten minutes of sunshine. They welcome dogs, which means you can expect the occasional four-legged visitor to provide more entertainment than whatever sporting event is playing on the screens.

What really got me, though, was the pub's stubborn resistance to gentrification. While other London pubs are busy transforming into Instagram-worthy brunching spots with avocado toast and craft gin menus, The Crown Sutton steadfastly remains a proper pub. There's something almost noble about their refusal to jump on every trending bandwagon that rolls through the capital.

The payment system is modernized enough to handle contactless and cards, which is more than you can say for some supposedly trendier establishments that still insist on cash-only policies while serving £15 cocktails in mason jars. And while the amenities aren't luxury-spa-level, they're kept decent enough that you won't need to plan your visit around avoiding them.

For sports enthusiasts, it's actually a decent spot to catch a game. Multiple screens mean you're not craning your neck like a contortionist, and the atmosphere during matches manages to be lively without descending into the sort of chaos that makes you fear for your pint's safety.

So here I am, a jaded London critic, actually recommending The Crown Sutton. If you're in the area and looking for an honest pub that doesn't require a second mortgage to enjoy a few drinks, you could do far worse. The regulars might give you the side-eye for the first visit or two, but stick around and you might find yourself becoming one of them. Just don't tell them I sent you - I have a reputation to maintain.