The Cronx Tap

Just what London needs - another craft beer spot with a punny name. The Cronx Tap in Croydon (yes, that's the joke) had me rolling my eyes before I even crossed the threshold. But like finding a winning lottery ticket in your jacket pocket, sometimes life's pleasant surprises come wrapped in questionable packaging.

Let's address the elephant in the room - it's in Croydon. For the uninitiated, that's the much-maligned southern reaches of London where concrete dreams went to die sometime in the 1960s. And yet, here we are, with The Cronx Tap somehow managing to be a beacon of hope in the high street's retail apocalypse.

I arrived determined to hate it. The name alone - a play on "The Bronx" because... Croydon, get it? - seemed reason enough. But then something annoying happened. The staff actually knew their stuff about beer. Not in that pretentious "let me tell you about the exact soil composition where these hops were grown" way, but with genuine enthusiasm and zero snobbery. Infuriating.

The beer selection, I grudgingly admit, is impressive. Their house brews under the Cronx label show real craft and creativity, while the rotating guest taps keep things interesting. The dark beer, in particular, is something of a revelation - chocolatey notes that don't punch you in the face with artificial flavoring like some craft breweries seem to favor.

They do this clever thing with their tasting flights - a "sharer slide" of three third-pints that lets you sample different brews without committing to a full pint of potential disappointment. It's actually... rather brilliant. Not that I'm happy about having to admit that.

The space itself strikes that elusive balance between "pub comfortable" and "Instagram worthy" without falling into the trap of industrial-chic cliché that plagues so many craft beer establishments. The exposed brick walls actually look like they belong there rather than being hastily installed by an overeager interior designer who just discovered Pinterest.

What's particularly vexing is how they've managed to create a genuinely welcoming atmosphere. There's none of that craft beer superiority complex you find in some places where ordering anything less than a triple-hopped imperial stout gets you looked at like you've just asked for a wine spritzer in a biker bar.

They've even got entertainment sorted - comedy nights that don't make you want to crawl under your table from secondhand embarrassment, and movie nights that somehow make watching films in a pub feel like a good idea. The Wednesday film screenings are particularly popular, though I'm not about to admit how many I've attended.

The food offering is minimal - bar snacks and empanadas - but that's honestly refreshing in a world where every pub thinks it needs to serve deconstructed shepherd's pie on artisanal slate. They know what they are: a proper beer establishment that happens to have some decent nibbles to soak up the alcohol.

Price-wise, it sits in that sweet spot where you can have a few quality pints without having to remortgage your house. Yes, it's more than your standard pub, but considering the quality and variety on offer, it's fair. I've certainly paid more for worse in central London.

Look, I didn't want to like The Cronx Tap. I really didn't. But in a city drowning in cookie-cutter craft beer bars and soulless pub chains, this place has managed to carve out its own identity while actually delivering on quality. If you find yourself in Croydon (though why would you, unless you live there like me?), it's worth seeking out. Just don't tell them I sent you - I've got a reputation as a cynic to maintain.