The Courtyard

Just what Clonakilty needed - another pub masquerading as a gastropub. The Courtyard sits there with its moderately priced menu and promises of being everything to everyone: breakfast spot, sports bar, cocktail haven, and family restaurant all rolled into one suspiciously tidy package. Color me skeptical.

But damn it if this place hasn't wormed its way into my cynical heart. Hidden away like some sort of poorly kept secret in Clonakilty's maze of streets, The Courtyard has the audacity to actually deliver on most of its promises. I hate when that happens.

Let's start with breakfast, since they seem inordinately proud of it. I arrived one morning, bleary-eyed and expecting the usual tired Irish fry-up. Instead, I found myself facing down what might be the best morning feed in Clonakilty. The portion sizes border on the obscene - perfect for handling the aftermath of sampling too many local craft beers the night before.

Speaking of beer, their massive sports screen should be an abomination. It's the size of a small moon and about as subtle as a foghorn at a funeral. Yet somehow, they've managed to create separate zones where sports fans can whoop and holler without disturbing the couples having what appears to be actual romantic moments in the corners. It's like watching an elaborate choreography of social ecosystems.

The food menu reads like someone threw darts at a collection of pub classics and trendy dishes, but here's the truly irritating part - they execute most of it surprisingly well. Their burger, despite my fervent hopes of finding fault, arrives properly cooked and properly seasoned. The fish and chips don't swim in grease, and their goujons (yes, they still call them goujons in Clonakilty) are frustratingly fresh.

The cocktail menu deserves special mention, if only because it seems so out of place in what should be a basic pub setting. Yet there they are, mixing proper cocktails that wouldn't look out of place in a pretentious city bar. The bartenders even manage to make them without the usual eye-rolling you'd expect when ordering anything more complicated than a pint.

Their outdoor seating area provides a welcome respite during those three days of Irish summer, and they've somehow mastered the art of creating atmosphere both inside and out. The service, while occasionally displaying that charming Irish confusion about who's actually in charge of which table, maintains a level of competence that borders on professional.

Price-wise, it sits in that sweet spot where you can't quite complain but still feel compelled to check the bill twice. Breakfast for two won't require a second mortgage, and dinner prices hover in the "well, I suppose that's fair" territory. The cocktails are priced just below the point where you'd start questioning your life choices.

The Courtyard Clonakilty has committed the cardinal sin of being genuinely good at multiple things rather than spectacularly failing at specializing in one. They serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner. They do sports screenings, family meals, and date nights. They even manage to keep the children's menu interesting enough that you won't hear the usual chorus of complaints from tiny food critics.

For families, they've thought of everything - high chairs that don't look like they've survived the Siege of Kinsale, a menu that goes beyond the usual chicken nugget territory, and staff who don't visibly wince when a toddler approaches their section.

Look, I wanted to dislike The Courtyard. It would have been easier to write a scathing review about another jack-of-all-trades venue failing to master anything. Instead, I'm forced to admit that this place has become something of a Clonakilty institution for good reason. Whether you're nursing a hangover with their breakfast, catching a match with a pint, or trying to impress a date with their surprisingly decent cocktails, they've got you covered.

Go ahead, visit The Courtyard in Clonakilty. Join the annoyingly satisfied customers who keep this place humming from breakfast through dinner. Just don't blame me when it becomes your go-to spot for everything from morning coffee to evening pints. I tried to resist too, and look where that got me - writing what amounts to a love letter to a pub that had no business being this good at so many things.