The City Barge

Just what London needs - another riverside pub claiming historical significance while serving £19 fish and chips to tourists who've wandered too far from Kew Gardens. The City Barge in London's Chiswick has all the predictable trappings: Thames views, Beatles trivia (yes, they filmed "Help!" here - we get it), and enough exposed beams to build Noah's ark. I approached with the weary resignation of someone who's suffered through countless mediocre gastropub experiences.

And yet.

There's something irritatingly charming about this place that makes me want to hate it less than I should. Maybe it's the way the sunlight plays across the Thames from the riverside terrace, or perhaps it's the surprisingly competent bar staff who actually know their craft beers from their commercial swill. The City Barge has managed to preserve its historical character without descending into theme-park tackiness - a feat rarer in London than a reasonable rent price.

The split-level interior somehow avoids the usual claustrophobic feel of converted historic buildings. The sunken dining room, with its flagstone floor and curved stone steps, would be painfully precious if it weren't so genuinely atmospheric. The fireplace actually works - I checked, half-hoping to catch them out in a fake heritage detail. The upstairs private dining room manages to be elegant without making you feel like you're eating in a museum.

Let's talk about the food because, against my better judgment, I have to admit it's rather good. The Sunday roast (which I ordered purely for research purposes, mind you) arrived with a properly crispy Yorkshire pudding - not one of those sad, deflated specimens that haunt lesser establishments. The porchetta was genuinely impressive, with crackling that could challenge an Italian nonna's version. Even the vegetables showed signs of actual culinary thought rather than mere microwaved obligation.

The drink selection deserves mention, if only because they've managed to stock local London brews alongside the requisite Greene King offerings without making it feel like a forced attempt at craft beer credibility. The wine list won't win awards, but it won't make you wince either. And the cocktails? Surprisingly decent for a place that could easily coast on its location and history alone.

Speaking of location - yes, it's a bit of a trek from Kew Bridge station, but that's probably deliberate. It weeds out the casual tourists and leaves the place to those willing to make the effort. The riverside terrace is worth the journey alone, especially when the evening light turns the Thames from its usual muddy brown to something approaching romantic. Even the car park seating area (which sounds dreadful but isn't) manages to be pleasant.

Dog owners, rejoice - your four-legged friends are welcome here, though do try to prevent them from harassing the local waterfowl. The staff seem genuinely pleased to see canine visitors rather than merely tolerating them with gritted teeth. They're equally welcoming to human guests, maintaining that delicate balance between attentiveness and letting you enjoy your pint in peace.

Price-wise, it sits in that sweet spot where you'll definitely notice the damage to your wallet but won't require immediate financial counseling. Yes, the fish and chips are £19, but they're proper fish and chips, not the frozen tragedy some places try to pass off as cuisine. The Sunday roast prices are London-standard, which is to say expensive anywhere else in the country but reasonable for the capital.

Look, I wanted to dismiss The City Barge as just another London pub trading on location and history. I really did. But somehow this irritatingly authentic spot by the Thames has wormed its way onto my list of places I'd actually recommend to people I don't actively dislike. The combination of genuine historic charm, competent cooking, and that rather spectacular riverside setting makes it worth the trek to this corner of Chiswick.

If you must visit a pub in this part of London (and let's face it, you probably should), you could do far worse than The City Barge. Book ahead for Sunday lunch, bring your dog if you have one, and try not to look too smug when you snag a riverside table. Just don't blame me if you end up becoming one of those people who makes this their regular spot. I certainly wouldn't know anything about that.