Raynes Park Tavern

Just what London needed - another Greene King pub masquerading as a proper local. When I first trudged into the Raynes Park Tavern, I was ready to write it off as yet another soulless chain outpost designed to separate suburbanites from their hard-earned pounds. But like that one friend who somehow makes cargo shorts look acceptable, this place has an inexplicable charm that sneaks up on you.

Located in that peculiar slice of London where the postcode makes estate agents salivate but the high street still keeps it real, the Raynes Park Tavern has achieved something I thought impossible in modern London: it's actually managed to be both a proper pub and a half-decent place to spend an evening. I know, I'm as shocked as you are.

The first thing that caught my attention - besides the surprisingly un-sticky floors (a miracle in itself for a London pub) - was the outdoor seating area. It's actually... pleasant? When darkness falls, they've managed to create an atmosphere that's less "dodgy beer garden" and more "that fancy rooftop bar in Shoreditch you pretend to hate but secretly love." The lighting makes everyone look like they've just stepped out of a Filter & Filter Instagram tutorial, which isn't necessarily a bad thing when you're three pints in.

Speaking of pints, let's address the elephant in the room: yes, it's a Greene King establishment, and yes, that usually means about as much excitement as a chartered accountant's holiday snaps. But they've somehow managed to maintain a decent selection beyond the usual suspects. The staff actually seem to know their craft beers from their mass-market lagers, which in today's "I just work here" climate feels like stumbling upon a unicorn wearing a bow tie.

The food menu sits comfortably in that sweet spot between "gastropub pretension" and "microwaved disappointment." Their cheesy garlic bread has developed something of a cult following among locals, and I hate to admit it, but it's deserved. It's the kind of bar snack that makes you forget you came in for "just one quick drink" two hours ago.

What really sets the Raynes Park Tavern apart from London's endless parade of mediocre boozers is its ability to multitask. It's a sports pub that doesn't make you feel like you're in a betting shop, a date spot that won't bankrupt you, and a local that actually welcomes locals. The staff - and I can't believe I'm writing this - seem genuinely pleased to be there. Even their dog-friendly policy comes with actual treats at the bar, rather than the usual begrudging tolerance.

They've managed to nail that elusive sweet spot between "trying too hard" and "not trying at all." The live music doesn't make you want to puncture your eardrums, the sports screenings don't dominate the entire atmosphere, and the mixed crowd suggests that someone actually thought about creating a space where different tribes of Londoners might peacefully coexist.

The pricing is what you'd expect for a London pub these days - which is to say, it'll make anyone who remembers the £2 pint weep quietly into their craft IPA. But in a city where a mediocre burger and a beer can easily set you back the price of a small car, the Raynes Park Tavern feels almost reasonable. Almost.

For those practical details you'll pretend not to care about but actually do: they take cards (including contactless), the parking situation is typically London (good luck), and yes, you can actually reserve a table - though weekends require the kind of advance planning usually reserved for royal weddings.

Look, I didn't want to like the Raynes Park Tavern. In a city drowning in corporate pubs trying to manufacture authenticity, it would have been easier to dismiss it as just another pretender to the throne. But much like that friend who keeps recommending Tesla stock, it turns out to be irritatingly right. Whether you're a local seeking refuge from the chaos of central London or just someone who appreciates a pub that hasn't completely forgotten what pubs are supposed to be, you'll find something to like here. Just don't tell them I sent you - I have a reputation to maintain.