Purkins

Just when you think you've seen every possible variation of a London pub, Purkins comes along and makes you question everything you thought you knew about drinking establishments in the capital. Tucked away like some sort of speakeasy for the deliberately unfashionable, this peculiar little watering hole in London's urban fabric somehow manages to be both exactly what you'd expect and completely surprising at the same time.

Let's address the elephant in the room - Purkins is tiny. We're talking "accidentally walked into someone's living room" tiny. If you're claustrophobic or fond of personal space, you might want to reconsider. But here's the thing: that miniature size creates an intimacy that's increasingly rare in London's typically sanitized pub scene.

I walked in fully prepared to hate it. The carpet looks like it's been telling stories since Margaret Thatcher was in office, and the decor appears to have been frozen in time somewhere between the Moon landing and the invention of the internet. Yet somehow, against all odds and my better judgment, I found myself being charmed by the place.

The regulars at Purkins - and trust me, there are plenty - treat newcomers with a mixture of suspicious curiosity and surprising warmth. It's like being invited to a family reunion where you don't know anyone, but by the end of the night, you've heard all the family secrets and been adopted as a distant cousin. The bartender seems to have an encyclopedic knowledge of not just drinks, but of every person who's ever crossed the threshold.

Speaking of drinks, don't come here expecting craft beer flights or artisanal gin collections. The beer selection is straightforward, the wine list wouldn't intimidate a toddler, but everything's kept properly and served with the kind of no-nonsense efficiency that makes you realize how tired you are of waiting 15 minutes for some mixologist to finish garnishing your drink with locally foraged herbs.

The monthly quiz night is a thing of beauty - and I say this as someone who generally regards pub quizzes with the same enthusiasm as dental surgery. There's something gloriously unpretentious about the whole affair, where knowing the capital of Kazakhstan is less important than being able to name all the local shops that have closed in the past decade.

For the Instagram generation, Purkins presents a conundrum. The lighting is terrible for selfies, and the decor won't get you any social media clout. But that's precisely its charm. In a city increasingly filled with establishments designed to be photographed rather than enjoyed, Purkins stubbornly remains a pub for drinking, talking, and occasionally arguing about football.

The outdoor seating area is less "al fresco dining" and more "couple of tables they managed to squeeze onto the pavement," but on a warm London evening, it becomes prime real estate for watching the world go by while nursing a pint. Just don't expect table service - or any service that requires moving from your barstool, for that matter.

Let's talk about the cash-only policy that some reviewers mention. While it seems to vary (I've definitely seen card payments accepted), it's worth bringing cash just in case. Consider it part of the authentic experience, like the slightly wobbly tables and the toilet that requires a strategic approach to navigation.

Here's the thing about Purkins in London - it's a pub that shouldn't work in 2024. It breaks every rule of modern hospitality. It's small, unfashionable, and completely lacking in pretense. Yet somehow, in a city drowning in concept bars and themed pubs, it's exactly what we need. It's a reminder of what London pubs used to be before they all started serving sourdough pizzas and craft IPAs with silly names.

So yes, go to Purkins. Go for the authenticity, stay for the conversations, and accept that you might leave slightly poorer in pocket but richer in spirit. Just don't, as one reviewer sagely noted, turn up in your finest suit to discuss your latest jaunt to the South of France. Save that for somewhere else. This is a place for real drinks, real people, and real London - whether you're ready for it or not.