Newtown Inn and Sports Bar

Just what Clane needed - another sports bar masquerading as a proper pub. The Newtown Inn and Sports Bar in Clane initially struck me as yet another establishment riding the wave of Ireland's seemingly inexhaustible appetite for watching other people exercise while we nurse our pints. But hold onto your skepticism for just a moment, because this place has somehow managed to pull off something rather... unexpected.

First, let's address the elephant in the room - yes, there are screens everywhere. If you're hoping for a quiet corner to contemplate life's mysteries over a solitary Guinness, you might want to check your calendar and make sure there's no major sporting event happening in any corner of the globe. But here's the thing - they've actually done it right. The TVs are positioned with the kind of tactical precision that suggests someone actually thought about sightlines instead of just randomly hammering brackets into walls.

The bar staff, contrary to my naturally pessimistic expectations, actually know how to pour a proper pint. I watched the bartender, Aidan, execute a perfect two-part pour with the kind of patience you rarely see these days. It was like watching an artisan at work, if your definition of artistry includes the perfect head-to-liquid ratio in a glass of stout. The price point won't make your wallet weep either, which in today's economy feels like a minor miracle.

The recently refurbished function room deserves special mention. While most pub function rooms have all the charm of a 1980s community center, this one actually manages to strike a balance between practical and pleasant. It's the kind of space where you could host anything from a communion to a retirement party without feeling like you're settling for less. The fact that they allow you to bring in your own decorations shows a refreshing lack of the usual corporate stranglehold on personalization.

What really throws you for a loop is the cleanliness. I've developed a fairly robust immune system from years of reviewing less-than-pristine establishments, but I found myself repeatedly shocked by how immaculate everything was. The floors weren't sticky (a low bar, I know, but one that surprisingly few pubs clear), the glasses were spotless, and even the bathrooms passed what I like to call the "mother-in-law inspection test."

The outdoor seating area, while not exactly the Riviera, provides a decent escape when the inside gets too rowdy during big matches. It's particularly useful when you need to have a conversation that doesn't involve shouting over the collective groans of disappointed sports fans. The free parking lot is another small mercy, especially considering how some establishments in the area seem to think charging for parking is their path to fortune.

Now, about that atmosphere - it's a curious mix. The locals provide that authentic Irish pub feeling, though as one regular noted, the clientele can be "a bit suspect" at times. But isn't that true of any proper pub? If you're not occasionally questioning the life choices of at least one patron, are you really in an Irish pub at all?

They've embraced modern convenience without sacrificing traditional charm - they'll take your fancy contactless payments while serving you a pint in a glass that's actually seen the inside of a dishwasher this decade. The live music offerings add another layer to the experience, though timing your visit around these events requires the kind of strategic planning usually reserved for military operations.

Look, I came to the Newtown Inn and Sports Bar in Clane prepared to write a scathing review about yet another soulless sports bar. Instead, I found myself repeatedly noting things they'd gotten right. It's infuriating when you can't find legitimate faults to complain about - it makes a critic's job so much harder.

For those in Clane looking for a spot to watch the match, have a reliable pint, or host a function that won't leave your guests questioning your judgment, the Newtown Inn has somehow managed to become a legitimate option. Just don't tell them I said that - we can't have these places getting too confident. Book ahead for events, check the sports calendar if you're noise-sensitive, and prepare yourself for the unsettling experience of actually enjoying a sports bar. There, I said it. Now excuse me while I hand in my cynic's card.