London Apprentice

Just what London needs - another riverside pub claiming to be a historic gem. The London Apprentice in London's Isleworth sits there smugly on the Thames, flaunting its centuries-old facade like it's doing us all a favor by merely existing. I wanted to hate it. I really did.

But damn it all if this place hasn't wormed its way into my cynical heart like a persistent Thames eel. The building dates back to the 1500s - a fact they'll remind you of approximately every seven minutes - and yes, fine, it actually does add something to the experience. The weathered wooden beams aren't some interior decorator's attempt at "authentic pub aesthetic." They're the real deal, probably witnessing more drama than a season of EastEnders.

Let's address the elephant in the beer garden - that riverside terrace. It's the kind of setting that makes you temporarily forget you're paying London prices for your pint. The Thames rolls by with surprising majesty this far west, and the view across to Syon Park almost makes you believe you've time-traveled to when London wasn't just an endless sprawl of steel and glass. Almost.

Speaking of prices, they're what you'd expect from a pub that knows exactly what it's got going for it. Not daylight robbery, but definitely not your local's happy hour either. The food menu walks that precarious line between "pub grub" and "gastropub ambitions," occasionally stumbling but mostly keeping its balance. The kitchen seems to be having an ongoing identity crisis - some days channeling a confident chef who knows their way around a proper Sunday roast, other days serving up dishes that suggest they're learning their trade as an apprentice themselves.

The interior is a masterclass in how to avoid the dreaded Ye Olde Pub theme park feel. Dark woods, uneven floors, and nooks that could tell tales of centuries of secretive conversations - if you're into that sort of thing. The bar staff, refreshingly, don't play up the heritage angle. They're too busy actually being efficient, which in London's pub scene is about as rare as an affordable pint in Mayfair.

Live music nights here are a pleasant surprise, though the acoustics in a 500-year-old building are about what you'd expect. The sound bounces off ancient walls in ways that suggest the original architects didn't consider the acoustic requirements of a jazz quartet. But somehow, that adds to the charm. The slightly imperfect sound mixing with the murmur of conversation and the gentle lapping of the Thames outside creates an atmosphere that's... fine, I'll say it... special.

Dog-friendly and child-tolerant (there's a difference), the London Apprentice manages to maintain its dignified pub persona while accommodating both ends of the chaos spectrum. The outdoor seating area becomes a United Nations of dog breeds on sunny weekends, while the interior provides enough nooks and crannies for families to contain their particularly energetic offspring.

The drinks selection is solid rather than spectacular. They're not trying to reinvent the wheel with their beer offerings, but what they do have is well-kept. The wine list won't win awards but won't offend either, and the cocktails are... present. Let's leave it at that.

For sports fans, they've managed to install screens without making the place feel like a betting shop. Though during major tournaments, expect the usual transformation into a heaving mass of emotional investment in sporting outcomes.

Here's the truly irritating part - despite my professional obligation to find fault, the London Apprentice has managed to become one of those places I actually recommend to people. Not with the usual caveats and conditions, but genuinely. It's the pub equivalent of that friend who's annoyingly good at everything but remains somehow likable.

The fact that it's a stone's throw from Syon Park makes it an obvious pre- or post-visit pit stop. Book ahead for weekend lunches unless you enjoy the special British pastime of passive-aggressively hovering near occupied tables. And yes, I just advised you to book at a pub. London does strange things to us all.