Jacks' Coastguard Restaurant

Just what Ireland needed - another coastal restaurant claiming to serve the freshest catch in Kenmare while charging tourists a premium for the privilege of gazing at the Atlantic. At least, that's what I thought before reluctantly dragging myself to Jacks' Coastguard Restaurant in Kenmare. And now, much to my chagrin, I find myself compelled to admit that sometimes the obvious choice is obvious for a reason.

Let's address the elephant in the room - yes, it's housed in an old coastguard station, and yes, they lean into that maritime heritage with all the subtlety of a foghorn. But while I arrived ready to roll my eyes at yet another themed dining establishment, the location actually works. The views across Kenmare Bay are, and I hate myself for using this word, spectacular. The kind of vistas that make you forget you're paying for them in your menu prices.

Speaking of which, the menu at Jacks' Coastguard Restaurant walks that precarious line between ambitious and pretentious without totally falling into the latter. Their seafood chowder - which I ordered fully prepared to compare it unfavorably to my grandmother's - turned out to be an exercise in restraint. No overwhelming cream, no desperate attempt to mask mediocre fish with excess herbs. Just clean, clear flavors that let the local seafood speak for itself. Damn them.

The bar side offers a more casual atmosphere, which I initially mistook for the "tourist overflow section" until I noticed it was packed with locals. Nothing validates a place quite like seeing regular faces from Kenmare settling in for a pint and a plate of whatever the day's catch might be. The restaurant section, meanwhile, manages to be formal without forcing you to speak in whispers or feel judged for using the wrong fork.

What truly got under my skin - in the best possible way - was the staff's genuine enthusiasm about their menu. When our server suggested the cod, I braced myself for the usual rehearsed spiel about "chef's specialty" and "local favorite." Instead, I got a detailed explanation of where it was caught that morning and why the preparation method they use brings out its best qualities. I hate it when competence ruins my plans for cynicism.

Their wine list deserves mention, if only because I was prepared to mock its predictability but instead found myself nodding appreciatively at selections that actually complement their seafood rather than just hitting the usual white wine greatest hits. The cocktail program, too, shows more thought than necessary for a place that could probably get by serving mediocre drinks with a view.

The wedding venue aspect initially struck me as a potential red flag - restaurants that try to be all things to all people usually excel at none - but they've somehow managed to separate these functions without diminishing either. The events space has its own rhythm that doesn't interfere with regular dining service, which is no small feat.

For families (and yes, I'm including this because people insist on bringing small humans to nice restaurants), they've struck a reasonable balance. There's a children's menu that goes beyond the usual chicken nugget purgatory, and the staff doesn't treat your offspring like inconvenient baggage or precious royalty - just regular customers who happen to be shorter.

Time for the practical bits: Reservations are essential, especially during tourist season, which in Kenmare seems to last approximately 12 months of the year. Parking is free and plentiful, which in itself is worthy of celebration in this part of Ireland. They're open for lunch and dinner, though lunch offers better value if you're watching your euros. The dress code is "smart casual," which here means "whatever you're wearing is probably fine as long as it's not a swimsuit."

Look, I didn't want to like Jacks' Coastguard Restaurant. I really didn't. But sometimes a place earns its reputation honestly, and this Kenmare institution has done exactly that. Whether you're a local looking for a reliable spot for celebrations, or a visitor trying to avoid tourist traps along the Kerry coast, you'll find something worth returning for here. Just don't tell them I sent you - I have a reputation for cynicism to maintain.