Glennons Cafe, Bar Restaurant, Beer Garden & Takeaway

Just what Clane needed - another pub-restaurant hybrid promising the moon and stars. When I first heard about Glennons Cafe, Bar Restaurant, Beer Garden & Takeaway (quite the mouthful, isn't it?), I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly sprained something. But here's the infuriating part: they're actually doing something right in this corner of Kildare.

Let's address the elephant in the room - that sprawling name that seems determined to cover every possible dining scenario. It's like someone threw a handful of hospitality buzzwords at a wall and decided to use all of them. Yet, remarkably, Glennons in Clane manages to deliver on each promise without falling flat on its face.

I walked in expecting the usual Irish pub fare - you know, the kind where the chef's most ambitious creation is adding a slice of tomato to the breakfast plate. Instead, I found myself reluctantly impressed by a menu that shows actual thought and execution. The breakfast (yes, they do that too) isn't just your standard fry-up, though they nail that classic with an expertise that suggests someone's grandmother is chaining the cook to the griddle.

The transformation they underwent during Covid wasn't just a lick of paint and some hand sanitizer stations. They've created something that walks the line between traditional Irish pub and contemporary eatery without stumbling into the realm of pretension. The beer garden - often a euphemism for "smoking area with a few wet picnic tables" - is actually pleasant enough that you might choose to sit there even when it's not absolutely necessary.

Now, about those prices. They're sitting in that sweet spot where you can't quite complain but also can't help thinking about that place in Dublin that charges the same. The difference is, here you'll actually leave with both a full stomach and your dignity intact. The portions are generous enough to make you question if they've accidentally given you someone else's order as well as your own.

The Guinness deserves its own paragraph. It's good. Annoyingly good. The kind of pint that makes you question why you bother drinking anywhere else, then immediately remember it's because you can't be in Clane every night. The rest of the beer selection is solid, and they've even managed to assemble a cocktail menu that doesn't make you worry about getting a sugar-induced headache.

What really gets under my skin is how they've managed to nail the atmosphere. It's that elusive Irish pub sweet spot - lively enough to feel welcoming, but not so boisterous that you can't hear yourself think. The live music on weekends doesn't make you want to flee to the nearest monastery, which is saying something.

The staff, curse them, are genuinely friendly. Not that artificial, corporate-mandated friendliness that makes you want to hide under your table, but the kind that makes you feel like you've been coming here for years, even on your first visit. They remember your preferences, crack jokes that actually land, and somehow manage to be attentive without hovering like anxious helicopters.

For families, they've done the impossible - created a space where both parents and children can exist without either group plotting the other's demise. The kids' menu isn't just an afterthought of chicken nuggets and chips (though they're there if your little one is going through that beige-food-only phase).

Let's talk logistics: parking isn't a nightmare (a miracle in itself), they take cards (welcome to the 21st century), and you can actually make reservations like a civilized human being. They're open for everything from breakfast to late-night drinks, and somehow manage to do each service justice.

Look, I didn't want to like Glennons in Clane. It goes against every cynical bone in my body to admit that a place trying to be all things to all people actually succeeds. But here we are. Whether you're after a proper pint, a family dinner, a quick lunch, or a spot to impress visitors with "authentic Irish pub culture," you'll find it here. And yes, that pains me to say. Book a table, prove me right, and join me in my reluctant admiration of what they've achieved here. Just don't tell them I sent you - I have a reputation to maintain.