Ferry Boat Inn Tottenham

Just what North London needed - another riverside pub claiming to be the area's hidden gem. The Ferry Boat Inn Tottenham has been drawing locals to its waterside perch with promises of pastoral charm in the heart of London's grittier quarters. I approached with the enthusiasm of a cat being dragged to the vet, fully prepared to pen another scathing critique of mediocre pub grub and lukewarm ale.

But damn it all if this place didn't make me eat my words along with some surprisingly decent fish and chips.

The Ferry Boat Inn's location along the River Lea might be its most obvious selling point, but unlike many London waterfront establishments that coast by on views alone, this Tottenham stalwart actually seems to give a damn about what goes on inside its walls. The beer garden - and yes, I'm reluctantly using the word "magnificent" here - sprawls toward the water like a tipsy patron looking for their keys, offering what might be one of the more pleasant outdoor dining experiences this side of the North Circular.

Inside, they've managed to walk that precarious line between "historic pub charm" and "hasn't been updated since Churchill was in office." The wood-paneled walls tell stories of decades past without screaming "health code violation," and the bar staff actually seem to know their craft beers from their dishwater - a sadly rare achievement in London's pub scene these days.

Let's talk about the food because that's where my cynical shell really started to crack. The menu reads like standard pub fare, but the execution suggests someone in the kitchen actually attended culinary school instead of just watching Gordon Ramsay reruns. The burgers arrive properly seasoned and cooked to order - a concept that seems to baffle many of their competitors. Their Sunday roast (yes, I went back, don't judge me) manages to serve Yorkshire puddings that haven't been sitting under a heat lamp since breakfast.

The drinks selection deserves mention, if only because they've somehow assembled a beer list that goes beyond the usual suspects of mass-produced lagers. The wine list won't win any awards, but it won't make you question your life choices either. And the cocktails? Let's just say they know the difference between a martini and vodka in a fancy glass.

What really gets me - and I can't believe I'm admitting this - is how they've managed to create an atmosphere that works for both families and those seeking refuge from them. The separate dining areas mean you're not forced to watch someone's precious angels conduct a food-flinging experiment while you're trying to enjoy your meal. The staff, despite occasional moments of looking like they'd rather be anywhere else (honestly, who wouldn't?), generally maintain a level of service that hovers comfortably above "barely tolerating your existence."

Parking might seem like a minor inconvenience at £5.20, but they do that thing where they refund it if you're dining - a gesture that almost makes up for the fact that you had to drive to Tottenham in the first place. Almost.

The Ferry Boat Inn Tottenham has pulled off something rather impressive: it's actually worth the journey. Whether you're after a decent meal, a peaceful pint by the river, or just trying to escape the madness of central London, this place delivers without the pretension that plagues so many "destination pubs" in the capital.

Is it perfect? Of course not. The prices sit firmly in the "this is London, what did you expect?" category, and yes, sometimes the service can move at the pace of a particularly unmotivated snail. But in a city where mediocrity often masquerades as excellence, the Ferry Boat Inn stands out by simply doing things properly.

Fine, I'll say it: book a table. Go for Sunday lunch, or a summer evening when the sun turns the River Lea into something almost poetic. Just don't blame me when you find yourself becoming one of those irritating people who won't shut up about their favorite pub in Tottenham. Trust me, I've become one of them, and I hate myself for it.